Al zappend door Breda kwam mijn ambitieuze plan -om zoveel mogelijk bandjes te checken tijdens de 25e editie van de Popronde- zowaar uit. Als eerste val ik letterlijk koud binnen bij Paracematol, in de kleine zaal van Poppodium Mezz. Al binnen een paar nummers hebben ze de zaal en mij lekker opgewarmd met knallende punkriffs en hardrollende drums. Ondertussen vraagt de zanger of het publiek naar voren wil komen. Iedereen doet netjes een paar stappen in de richting van het podium. Even later gaat een grote groep weg en de leegte die ontstaat, vult de zanger met alle boosheid dat het nummer hem geeft (niet omdat die groep wegliep) en confronteert daar iedereen mee van dichtbij. Hij is de muziek. Rauw en transparant. Intens.

​Twijfel, twijfel, of ik zal blijven voor Bony Macaroni die drie kwartier later zou beginnen. Aangezien de geluidskwaliteit van deze kleine zaal helaas vaak te wensen over laat en ik verwacht dat Bony Macaroni vast op de festivals komen volgend jaar (gezien hun bekendheid ondertussen), is de keuze snel gemaakt. In die tijd kan ik meerdere bandjes checken binnen een kleine radius in het centrum. Dus ik haast me te voet vanaf de Mezz naar de andere kant van het centrum naar café Mad Molly’s, want de barman had me Alison Marble aangeraden. Ondertussen hoor ik uit de vele cafés de live bandjes de deuren uit knallen en haper even bij iedere deur. Was iedere donderdagavond maar zo! Wat een vibe!

Doorzappen nu naar Foxlane die al veel gedraaid werd in de Kink Popronde Podcast. In het afgeladen Café De Vulling waarbij het zicht belemmerd wordt door vijf pilaren, kan ik ze helaas alleen maar horen. Maar dat klinkt lekker, lekker van nu. Het jonge publiek gaat er vol in mee. ​

Op naar de Food Hall waar Dan August zo mooi, puur en glashelder ‘americano’-achtig zingt dat ik mijn oren er niet vanaf kan houden. Een ouder echtpaar gaat spontaan stijldansen tijdens één van de nummers. De bandleden hebben dat zo te zien nog niet meegemaakt en krijgen een grote grijns op hun gezicht. Ik blijf in vervoering tot het einde waardoor ik SpeakEasy mis die ook nog mijn lijstje stond. 

Meteen maar door naar Borrel Bar Breda waar iedereen ongeduldig staat te wachten op de mannen van Boardlong. Al tijdens de soundcheck weet de zanger het publiek mee te krijgen en begint het feestje meteen na de eerste noten. In het café waar ik altijd de polonaise achteruit loop tijdens carnaval, is de halve tent nu aan het pogoën en headbangen. Wat een energie in de ‘horsepit’ zoals de zanger dat zelf hernoemt na een flauwe grap over paardenallergie. ​

Een mooie afsluiter na al het rockgeweld van deze bijzondere 25 jarige editie van de Popronde dat ooit begon in Nijmegen en nu meer dan 30 steden aan doet met jaarlijks gemiddeld 140 bandjes. Gekozen door een vakjury van gerenommeerde muziekidioten. Mag ik een groot applaus voor deze geweldige organisatie, de bands en alle vrijwilligers, op naar de volgende 25 jaar!

P.s.: Check mijn volledige Instastory van deze avond

‘Today is the greatest… show I have ever seen…I’ll burn my eyes out…’ at the Smashing Pumpkins show last Tuesday, as it was an astonishing set design and lighting show (at AFAS Live in Amsterdam). I have called it a ‘show’ explicitly and not a ‘gig’, which would describe the two previous TSP concerts I went to. This ‘show’ was absolutely mind blowing from an esthetic and artistic point of view. Three huge surrealistic style Puppito's - as Billy calls them - raised from the dead and lit up in all combination of colors you can only imagine during the whole show.

 I just love it how Billy and his mates, almost back in their original formation, really made an effort with this show and enjoyed it as much as the crowd did. Just like the funny ‘interlude’ (a cover of ‘Friday I'm in Love’ from The Cure) where Billy took a break and James started singing. I believe James messed that one up on purpose, as the sound and his voice was way off from the outstanding level of performance when playing their own songs. In 'epic theatre', you would call that an ‘alienation’ (also a song title from their new album by the way), a complete break from what was happening before in order to get the crowd back into reality, so that the show would have even more impact afterwards.

​‘Alienation’ and ‘Knights of Malta’ are beautiful songs which let Billy’s voice stand out as it does with ‘Disarm’. By the way, the crowd screwed up ‘Disarm’ a bit for me, as I was only looking at mobile phones when they played it, really annoying. So I put my head down again, using only one sense again. Obviously, I also took pictures and videos, so I guess I am as annoying as them…You just wanna capture these beautiful moments on camera to make them last forever…

As Billy said at the end of the show, ‘we could have never imagined this would be our future 31 years ago’ while pointing at the three huge dolls, the enthusiastic crowd and being grateful for their support over those 31 years. Billy, I would like to thank you for being you and for embracing your carefully composed music and sharing your amazing thoughts through your lyrics. I would also like to thank James and Jimmy for standing side by side again, playing your amazing guitar riffs and solo’s. And guys, I do expect the next Volume of your latest album shortly, can’t wait! (Scroll down for more videos and pics!)

About being torn apart between our laidback lifestyle in Australia and missing our friends and family on the other side of the world. And about making our final decision, the most extensional decision I’ve ever had to make. Choosing between a beautiful country where the sun always shines, with the amazing beaches and easygoing lifestyle and my dear family and friends (and my precious Europe with its different cultures). We finally choose the latter as that’s what life is about for us: sharing our experiences with our loved-ones and caring for them in good times and in times of need. 

I wanna go Home
I can’t find my direction
Home
I’m loosing connection

John’s explanation of this song was that being on tour all the time makes you miss out on a lot back home not being with his beloved kids and wife. About the latter, he wrote a beautiful love song ‘Just Call’, about how he met his wife in this beautiful town Broome in Australia. One phrase hit me as well in relation to the above 'Home' story:

Enough about me, this show really stood out for me from the other two shows I have seen, as this one was so heartfelt and almost spiritual in a way. His new album is all about trying to find some positive energy in this screwed up world. About spreading the good vibes resulting in everyone singing along out loud during a golden oldie, tatatatada, datadaadadaaaaaa….

The show was built up quite nicely, starting of with not 2 but 4 ‘assisting’ musicians on drums, key board, base and as backing vocals. This whole arrangement lifted the songs into a new dimension. The new songs were even better live. And the new drummer made me smile as he shook his head on the beat of the drums looking like The Fozzie Bear with his cap on 😊

But as soon as John was alone on the stage, the real magic happened. Creating a song by looping live voice samples into a beat and backing vocals, he got the whole crowd to silence and we listened in awe while he was 'unfolding' this song. As I wanted to stay in the moment, I didn’t capture this amazing one-manband song, someone else fortunately did on Facebook (skip to 1:10 mins).

‘Got some if you need it’….Yes, I needed IT desperately! A full dose of Pearl Jam after a 4 year long wait. Something Eddie felt too as he was showing by his song choices like Long Road to start off, and snippets referring to the ‘wait’ screaming his lungs out:

I just want to scream helloooooooo
My God it's been so long
Never dreamed you'd return
But now here you are and here I am
(Elderly Woman)

The waiting drove me mad
You're finally here and I'm a mess
(Corduroy)
​
Unfortunately, all my videos failed except for the ones where Ed is talking...But this video of 'Long Road' is still worth watching, felt like we were all in heaven:

Eddie was very chatty all night, talking about Jeff’s favourite colour orange and joking around about the Dutch not being in the World Cup aside from thanking a lot of Dutch people like Hanky Panky, the beautiful ladies from the Moco Museum (who were standing alongside the stage) and Eric from Tivoli.

And that’s what it felt like, like they actually want to play in a smaller venue…But standing up close for the first time, the band members still make it feel intimate in this huge venue (Ziggo Dome). It’s their rawness I really like, as if they’re playing in a local bar, messing up sometimes, like Eddie and Mike who got confused about the next song which was supposed to be dedicated to someone called ‘William’ from Ireland. Mike changed his guitar and they played a full blown ‘Got Some’, which was ‘coming out of their toes’ as we would say in Dutch.

Last night was also about honouring their living legacy, they played quite a few songs from their first 3 albums, and most of ‘Ten’, I even joked around that they would play ‘Alive’ after having played ‘Why Go’, ‘Porch’, and ‘Black’, 3 in a row…and to my surprise they did :-0

Halfway they played ‘Even Flow’ and ‘Jeremy’, obviously crowd pleasers, but the lyrics of ‘Jeremy’ got a whole new meaning to me last night. And especially this phrase ‘Jeremy spoke in class today...’, which my 8yro nephew actually did a couple weeks ago, saying in front of his whole class that he didn’t want to be bullied anymore...while I am writing this tears roll down my face again, as they did last night. And that’s what I love about Pearl Jam, their songs and lyrics are timeless and can mean or let you feel something completely different at any given stage.

The mesmerising version of ‘Footsteps’ was my favourite. I was in owe by how the whole band played along and lifted this song to a higher level, also backed by the beautiful lighting. I had the urge to take a video, but I also wanted to stay in the moment, and so I did…(and my phone too all night...grrrr....;-)

So, that’s a wrap for last night, can’t wait to see what they have ‘in petto’ for us tonight! Another blog will follow soon about my 'Pearl Jam' tour: Ams1, Ams2, Pinkpop, Milan and Berlin!
​
(And many thanks to Dimi 'The Greek' for his detailed reporting on Facebook backing up my memories)

Finally, we got in the ring with Volbeat last night! After having endured one year of being impatient -as I’d already bought the tickets back in September ’16- we drove into the Strijp-S area on our way to the famous Philips old ‘Klokgebouw’, and all of sudden a huge festival area arised…slowly it occurred to us that Volbeat might be playing there instead of at the Klokgebouw...

After another round of beer, we paved our way through the crowd close enough to the ‘boxing ring’. The beautifully orchestrated show started off with one of my favorite songs ‘The Devil’s Bleeding Crown’, the opening song of their latest album ‘Seal the Deal.’ After this theatrical opening, Volbeat’s full blown guitar riffs, awesome drum bass sounds and THE voice of lead singer Michael Poulsen filled the whole Strijp-S area and beyond (according to quite a few tweets of heavily annoyed people haha). 

I was torn between staying in the moment and wanting to capture every second of this amazing show packed with fireworks, awesome footage, smoking machines, fire and ‘used toilet paper,’ as Michael joked around:

I couldn’t resist getting some footage of their new song teasing the crowd for their upcoming new album, if I remember correctly it’s called ‘Justify’ and of course 'Lola Montez' and 'For Evigt' had to be captured as well:

For the 3rd year in a row, we saw Life of Agony at a venue in Eindhoven. Last year, at ‘Het Klokgebouw’ headlining the ‘Sound of Revolution’ and the previous year at the same venue as last night, the ‘Effenaar’ (as I’ve outlined also in my previous blog about ‘My best memories of Life of Agony’ of the past 25 years). And just like 2 years ago, they kicked off with ‘River Runs Red,’ paving the way for a lot more songs to be played from that iconic ‘90s album. Pleasing the crowd all over again! 

My friend had said upfront ‘I’m not going to be ‘headbanging’ tonight as my neck is already sore’. But as soon as Joey Z played the first guitar riff, she couldn’t help herself. Unlike the year before at ‘Het Klokgebouw’ where the crowd was too wild and too drunk, the crowd at the Effenaar seemed a lot more respectful to women. So, we did end up just behind the front row. I just couldn’t resist, I had to see the whole band up-close for once and feel their energy. How awesome! Mina and the guys are so intense and you can feel the love for their fans. By the end of the show Mina stood with her arms wide open taking it all in. She was so happy and almost started to cry.

Aside from playing almost every song of River Runs Red album, they only played a couple of songs from their other albums. ‘Lost at 22 - Ugly’ (which has been selected as one of the best metal songs of the 90s by Metal Hammer) and ‘Weeds – Soul Searching Sun’ as you can see in the video below including a short introduction by Mina interacting with the crowd:

I really wanted to hear those songs live as I was hoping they’d be even more intense then listening to those at home. And they were! Screaming along with ‘World gone madddd’,  ‘Dead Speak Kindly’ (a song that feels and sounds to me like a tribute to Lane Staley of Alice in Chains), and ‘A Place where there’s no more pain’:

I don’t believe in coincidences, but I do believe in signs. And this sign reassured me that I should follow my instincts and passion for LOA and get started with this blog leading up to my 8th LOA concert upcoming Monday...

What I do remember is that the year after in '97, I had quite the experience with LOA…Being a student, I couldn’t afford going to all festivals and simply had to choose. So, I didn’t get a ticket for ‘A Campingflight to Lowlands Paradise’ where LOA would play again. Fortunately, I knew some guys from the record label ‘Epitaph’ (The Offspring, Pennywise, NOFX etc.) who knew some guys at Roadrunner Records, LOA's record label back then…And we ran into one of the guys of Epitaph at our favorite rockbar ‘Sam Sam’ in Amsterdam on the night before their gig at Lowlands. He said that some band members of Life of Agony were going to do a signing session that night at the music store Fame in Amsterdam.

So, I joked around saying ‘maybe we can get ourselves on their guest list…’ as I wasn’t particularly interested in their signatures, but I was dying to see them play. And as you’ll have guessed by now, for about an hour or so of walking around the music store, the Epitaph guy was trying to get in touch with LOA's tour manager. Finally, he came back saying, ‘He girls, good news, you’re on LOA's guest list tomorrow night!’ I truly didn’t believe him, but he was quite convinced, so we gave him a big hug and went back to the Sam Sam bar in complete disbelieve. 

As Keith wasn't present at the signing session, we were wondering where he would be. Knowing he loved Amsterdam and his love for smoking ‘weeds' he might as well be at a coffee shop. The bar tender had heard rumours Keith was at a coffee shop down the road and we could not help ourselves to check it out. And yes, there he was, sitting at the bar, looking pretty stoned while holding a joint…

​Initially, I didn’t dare to walk up to him, and finally I had the guts as this would be my one and only chance of ever being able to have a chat with him. And so I did, I can’t exactly remember what I said and what he said, but I do recall that he was really nice to us and that I told him that his tour manager put us on the guest list. Keith said he was looking forward to see us at the show.

But still, we were in complete disbelieve of everything that had happened that night, still not sure if we should even go to Lowlands. What if we weren’t on the guest list, that would be quite a trip all for nothing…(3-4 hrs of trains/buses and we didn’t even know where to pick up the VIP bands…). The next morning, we decided that we should take the chance, as I would regret it for the rest of my life for not trying. 

So, we jumped on the train with our backpacks, no tent included, but we did know some friends were at the festival hoping they would give us some shelter that night… After a long ride by trains and buses and looking for the VIP entrance walking around the festival area for a couple of hours, completely drained from the rain, we finally found it.

We entered the VIP tent and said with a bit of hesitation that we were on the guest list of Life of Agony…And of course we weren’t…But I was so focused on getting to their concert and told the whole story mentioning the tour managers name etc. They made a few calls to verify our story, and then (even though they weren’t quite convinced) they ended up giving us a VIP band…We were sooo surprised and above all happy! We had to run though, as the LOA show started at 19.00 and we only had half an hour to get in and drop our backpacks somewhere. And as soon as Joey hit his first guitar riff we entered the festival tent. We made it!

Following the release of ‘Soul Searching Sun’ just one month later, Keith decided to leave Life of Agony which was quite the shock. But somehow, we all knew it was for the best at the time. Ugly Kid Joe singer Whitfield Crane joined Life of Agony during their Soul Searching Sun tour the following year and I saw them at De Melkweg in Amsterdam. Crane, with his great voice as he proofed once again when I went to see Ugly Kid Joe in Amsterdam last year, sung their songs with so much respect, however it wasn’t the same without Keith…And the band members felt the same way in the end according to Life of Agony’s Wikipedia page.

And then there was silence, at least from my end…Life of Agony toured for quite a while and all of the members took on various side projects, and to be reunited for the first time in 2003, but I didn’t get to see them. In 2005, I migrated to Australia and to be honoust, I had lost track of Life of Agony and Keith by then, still listening to their music though. 

Then I decided to find out if they were heading over to The Netherlands for a show and to my surprise they were! I bought tickets for their show on the 15th of June at the Effenaar, once again in Eindhoven. A wonderful small venue. Although her voice was a bit different, I guess a bit higher, it still felt like Life of Agony. I was so excited to hear their major songs live again after all those years (see pics and review by Rockportaal). Mina said a big thank you to the crowd for embracing her for who she is:

One year later, we saw them again in Eindhoven. This time at the old Philips Klokgebouw as they were headlining ‘The Sound of Revolution’ in front of a much larger audience. Somehow, we had this stupid idea of walking all the way to the front row, not realising the crowd was already pumped up by the likes of Madball and Ignite. During the first song we lost each other, got hit in the heads and with beer poured all over us we found each other again after a couple of songs. We decided that we’re not up for this stuff anymore and went halfway in the back, just behind the pit. Being afraid of losing my Iphone while recording, I only dared to make one video during the slow part of 'Bad Seed.' The crowd was so excited and so was I. And I decided to stay in the moment and scream along with the songs.

 As LOA already mentioned at their last concert, they were working on a new album. In april 2017, they released their new single ‘World gone mad‘ and I loved it straight away with the full blown guitar riffs and Mina’s fierce voice and lyrics.  I just couldn’t wait for the whole album to be released. This album has been growing on me ever since. Bits and pieces keep on popping in my head ‘How long, how long to right this wrong…’ is one of them…

Starting off as a 55-year-old diesel engine, ​gradually the oil was running through his throat and became better, higher, lower, and getting up to speed during my favourite song ‘Estranged’.  ​I used to listen to this song in bed at night, lights off and slowly fall asleep…Slash’s guitar riffs are so moving… And so was ‘Civil War’, a song that still resonates.

Loaded like freight train…Flyin’ like an aeroplane…’ Night train’ was the perfect follow up song. And then as a worthy anti-climax, the first few guitar notes of the next song gave me the shivers…’Black Hole Sun’…tears in my eyes straight away. This tribute to Chris Cornell was truly magical and sung with so much respect by Axl.

Suddenly, I found myself standing on a pick nick table, rocking and headbanging to the remaining songs with some fellow fans. Whistling along with ‘Patience’, shouting ‘Well, well, well, My Michelle’ and jumping in my pink rain boots on the beats of ‘Paradise City’, the final big bang of an awesome, amazing rock legend night!

​Thanks Axl, Duff and Slash (and Angus Young!) for this once ‘in my lifetime’ experience and I’ve become even more appreciative of your iconic music. Another great thing I can cross off my bucket list!

For anyone who just can’t process what has happened. Obviously I’m talking about Chris and Manchester. Eddie didn’t want to talk about the ‘obvious’ as he sort of admitted. It felt like that if he would say ‘Chris’ out loud, he would just have a complete breakdown right there and then. Or using his own words: ‘I’ve been trying to keep it together for the last couple of days.’ 

​I've never been to one of his solo shows, only to various Pearl Jam shows throughout the past 25 years. And I always imagined Eddie singing just for me (how selfish…) by closing my eyes while listening to his songs. So, last night, I did the same thing. Throughout each song I would close my eyes for a bit and just listen to his voice. I just can’t think of any superlatives to describe it, but his voice must be from outtaspace, so mesmerising!

Throughout the show he ‘fucked’ up some parts as he said himself, forgetting lyrics and feeling like he had an ‘out of body’ experience. But that just showed me he’s as human as a human being can or should be. And after each ‘fuck up’ he would pull himself together again, and performed even better than I’ve ever seen anyone perform in my whole history of a long list of concerts I’ve been to in the past 28 years…and I’m not exaggerating! And he followed through right until the end.

Just before Eddie started to perform, someone next to me asked which song I would love to hear, and I said ‘Last Kiss’. And my wish was granted! As soon as Eddie started playing the first few notes, I went all teary and couldn’t stop. There’s one sentence in the song that touches me to me the very core as sung by Eddie, ‘Oh where Oh where will my baby be… the Lord took her away from me…’

​Another magical moment (one of many!!) was when the Red Limo String Quartet from Utrecht played along with ‘Come back.’ Looking at the stars in the background and listening to Eddie’s voice, I felt weightless like I was flying through the sky. The strings completely ‘elevated’ this song. I’m so happy that Eddie asked them to join him throughout the tour (which he only decided that day). (Photo by Raymond van Olphen)

I don’t think this show can be topped, not even by the Dutch ‘Toppers.’ ;-) Both Eddie and Glen made a bit of fun of them, being grateful that a famous opera singer chose to go their show instead of the ‘Toppers’ show last Saturday night. But still, the Toppers united thousands and thousands of people who honored the 1 minute of silence for Manchester, the videos on Youtube were breathtaking. That goes way beyond your own taste of music or entertainment…
​
Glen being sick and all, still stood by his friend singing and playing along and even fulfilled Eddie’s request to get back on the stage to sing Glen’s own song 'Song of good hope' which they hadn’t rehearsed. A spur of the moment decision which Eddie really needed and finally brought him to tears as well, it was heartbreaking.

I just love the power of art, to be able to process and express your feelings with an outlet that’s so empowering for other people too. Painting, singing, dancing, playing music, theatre, going to a museum, you name it. I can’t believe that governments are just ignoring the fact that art and culture bring out the best in people, can unite them and provide them with a platform to able to deal with this ‘big hard world’ as Eddie and Glen were singing at the top of their lungs at the end of the show.

This memory will linger on for a long time…
​
I am still in awe. Love you Eddie!

Keeping track of the news during the day and seeing all the messages being posted on social media, mostly messages of disbelieve, wondering about the cause of death, I really felt part of a ’collective grief’. And then suddenly it hit me, Eddie must be devastated too, being one of his mates...Followed by a quite selfish thought, or maybe it wasn't selfish at all as I was sincerely thinking about what Eddie must go through right now...Anyway, I just realised that this will ‘put a cast over Eddie Vedder's tour’ as someone carefully described in the Eddie Vedder Europe 2017 Facebook Group while posting this awesome picture of Chris, Eddie, Jeff and Glen:

Someone else even questioned if this news would break up Pearl Jam (even before the reason of his death was revealed). Well, I can’t see that happening at all, I believe it’ll give them more fuel to keep on doing what they’re enjoying the most: making music from the heart. Probably their only way to handle this devastating loss. ​

I just realised as well, that Kurt took his live one week before the Nirvana concert I was so eager to attend (and had waited in line for a whole night in the cold to get a ticket). Well, I still hope that we can share our collective grief with Eddie and Glen next week. I'm sure they'll follow their heart in making this tough decision.

All of this confirmed my thoughts that he was in good shape and feeling well and that it must have been a sudden death due to a heart attack or seizure as I mentioned before. Fortunately, I had some distraction as I had to pick up the kids from school and head off to swimming lessons late afternoon. But still, Chris' death kept on going through my mind, still trying to process it.

​Right after dinner my friend (who broke the news to me) send me another message. ‘Rumors are he committed suicide...’ I somehow wasn't surprised at all and suddenly that eerie feeling was gone. Still don’t understand why though. 

I'll have to pull myself together again, as my life goes on, taking care of my family and doing things in life that I enjoy like expressing my feelings about music and culture through this blog. And hopefully, the rest of the fans can do the same thing, as life is worth living for! And may music keep us united!
Amen.

R.I.P. Chris Cornell 
​
P.s.: Below you’ll find some pics that I’ve added to make sure these memories won’t be forgotten: a compelling story of Eddie, Chris and the ‘uke’, a beautiful painting of Chris, painted by a Pearl Jam fan in trying to process his feelings and who inspired me to process my own feelings by writing this blog. Unfortunately, my whish to see Eddie and Chris perform 'Hunger Strike' live, won't come true anymore. However, this evening someone posted his director's cut of Temple of the Dog Alpine Valley video footage of PJ20, see below as well (many thanks!).

​In addition, I’ve included some pictures of his last solo tour in Australia which I attended in October 2007 (at the time I was living in Australia). Still a vivid memory. Unfortunately, not my own pictures. However, these pictures exactly captured Chris how I remember him standing upclose (many thanks to Faster Louder for archiving these pictures).