Eddie Vedder forever!

Finally, I had a good cry this morning. With all the tension in my body leading up to this show, I thought that it was going to explode last night, even packed 2 packs of tissues. But somehow, I couldn’t let go completely, as Eddie was joking around to keep up the good spirit. He was very chatty, telling stories, thinking out loud and describing his feelings like only he can. He shared a story about a friend who came out of a coma after one week and said, ‘I really needed just some good stories.’
The last few weeks have been draining, not only for myself by carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, but for anyone who loves music and mankind. 

For anyone who just can’t process what has happened. Obviously I’m talking about Chris and Manchester. Eddie didn’t want to talk about the ‘obvious’ as he sort of admitted. It felt like that if he would say ‘Chris’ out loud, he would just have a complete breakdown right there and then. Or using his own words: ‘I’ve been trying to keep it together for the last couple of days.’ 

By going to a museum in Amsterdam and meeting lovely people there, he has been trying to distract himself. Fortunately, due to the lovely weather he pretended to be in ‘Hawaï’ and turned on an old recorder playing the sound of waves to paint the full picture. Just like we felt while waiting in style  enjoying a cocktail before the show.

His ability to give the crowd a good feeling and trying to be strong for them, is so humble. Even if he would read this last sentence he would be to humble to believe he is humble. He doesn’t want to be adored, but that just happens. I or ‘we’ can’t help it.

​I've never been to one of his solo shows, only to various Pearl Jam shows throughout the past 25 years. And I always imagined Eddie singing just for me (how selfish…) by closing my eyes while listening to his songs. So, last night, I did the same thing. Throughout each song I would close my eyes for a bit and just listen to his voice. I just can’t think of any superlatives to describe it, but his voice must be from outtaspace, so mesmerising!

Throughout the show he ‘fucked’ up some parts as he said himself, forgetting lyrics and feeling like he had an ‘out of body’ experience. But that just showed me he’s as human as a human being can or should be. And after each ‘fuck up’ he would pull himself together again, and performed even better than I’ve ever seen anyone perform in my whole history of a long list of concerts I’ve been to in the past 28 years…and I’m not exaggerating! And he followed through right until the end.

Just before Eddie started to perform, someone next to me asked which song I would love to hear, and I said ‘Last Kiss’. And my wish was granted! As soon as Eddie started playing the first few notes, I went all teary and couldn’t stop. There’s one sentence in the song that touches me to me the very core as sung by Eddie, ‘Oh where Oh where will my baby be… the Lord took her away from me…’

​Another magical moment (one of many!!) was when the Red Limo String Quartet from Utrecht played along with ‘Come back.’ Looking at the stars in the background and listening to Eddie’s voice, I felt weightless like I was flying through the sky. The strings completely ‘elevated’ this song. I’m so happy that Eddie asked them to join him throughout the tour (which he only decided that day). (Photo by Raymond van Olphen)

I’m still trying to wear off my emotions, and as Eddie said ‘it’s actually not fair that I get to sing my way through this night and you’re just sitting there…and singing is almost like hyperventilating.’ Writing does that to me, when it’s on ‘paper’ or ‘online’, it’s out there and slowly getting out of my system or maybe the opposite, it gets ‘integrated’ in my system…Similar to the beautiful print of a painting I bought via Facebook which was made by a Chris Cornell fan, only a couple of hours after he had heard about Chris’ death (and which inspired me to write my ‘Farewell Chris...’ blog). He truly captured the essence of Chris, I just had to have that painting. It’s on my way now, can’t wait for it to hang this print next to the Eddie Vedder poster I bought last night. It’ll be my little ‘grunge’ shrine…

I don’t think this show can be topped, not even by the Dutch ‘Toppers.’ ;-) Both Eddie and Glen made a bit of fun of them, being grateful that a famous opera singer chose to go their show instead of the ‘Toppers’ show last Saturday night. But still, the Toppers united thousands and thousands of people who honored the 1 minute of silence for Manchester, the videos on Youtube were breathtaking. That goes way beyond your own taste of music or entertainment…
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Glen being sick and all, still stood by his friend singing and playing along and even fulfilled Eddie’s request to get back on the stage to sing Glen’s own song 'Song of good hope' which they hadn’t rehearsed. A spur of the moment decision which Eddie really needed and finally brought him to tears as well, it was heartbreaking.

I just love the power of art, to be able to process and express your feelings with an outlet that’s so empowering for other people too. Painting, singing, dancing, playing music, theatre, going to a museum, you name it. I can’t believe that governments are just ignoring the fact that art and culture bring out the best in people, can unite them and provide them with a platform to able to deal with this ‘big hard world’ as Eddie and Glen were singing at the top of their lungs at the end of the show.

This memory will linger on for a long time…
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I am still in awe. Love you Eddie!